Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
