I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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