I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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