you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
