apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize