I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
