did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
