I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
