Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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