I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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