Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I FOUND THE LEGS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
