Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
