I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
