And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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