don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
