tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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