Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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