Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
