She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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