Welp...herpes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
