so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
