he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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