Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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