FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
