That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
