is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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