Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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