Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
