I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
