don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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