BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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