She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
