I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
