totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
