did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
