you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
