Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
