and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
