The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
