he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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