I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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