Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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