Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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