Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
