No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
