I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
