i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I currently don't understand fingers.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
