ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
