hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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