Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
