the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
