I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
