even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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