THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
