When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize