walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
