i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
