farters have to be the big spoon...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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