WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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