Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
