What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
