I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
