They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
