6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
