Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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