I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
