How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
