this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize