your room smells of hookers.
And success
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
