Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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