If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
