Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can I color on your dick again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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