All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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