I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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