Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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