I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
