When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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