i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They are going to name an STD after you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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